


all we see is gold

by shsltrash



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: :(, Eyes, Fluff, GOD NO, Gay Connor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, NOT tree bros, Summer, V E R Y G A Y, WAI T, alana and zoe mentioned, alana eventually, all really fluffy, and neither am i, bc that's the norm, connor is (not) ok, evan is bisexual, evans mom is a sweetheart, eyes again, eyes are windows to the soul, i guess galaxy gals but, im sorry, jared being a lot less of a dick, slow burn???, waving through a WINDOW, whOO P
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-12 13:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11737821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shsltrash/pseuds/shsltrash
Summary: and when their eyes met, he saw stars.





	1. connor

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello hello 
> 
> first of all i would like to point out that you, yes you, are amazing and you are amazing because you clicked on this and you are amazing because you clicked on this because i appreciate your interest.
> 
> second, i have no idea what i'm doing this is my first deh fic and i set no boundaries for myself on this one so h eRE WE G O

every night, connor murphy looks up at the night sky.

he finds that it's calming, piecing together the constellations by connecting the dots, and marveling at the different sizes and shapes of stars. and he's ok, because it's just him and the infinite sky.

connor murphy is not ok.

he goes to high school like a regular seventeen-year-old, though often finds himself skipping classes to smoke in the filthy school bathroom; his pale, skinny arms are covered up with the sleeves of a grey sweatshirt, not daring to show the mutilated skin underneath. his black nails are chipped. connor murphy is most definitely not ok.

but, when the stars burn bright, the suffering seems to dim itself down, maybe so they can shine.

connor murphy knows a boy with stars in his eyes.

he doesn't know his name, or what classes he's taking. he doesn't know what year he's in; he only knows that this boy's locker is diagonal from his, and that at the end of third period both of them switch their books. and one particular day, they parted lockers at the same time, and their eyes met.

and when their eyes met, he saw stars.

"connor murphy."

he felt his eyes fly open and dart around the room before meeting the teacher, who had a stern look and a scowl etched on her face.

"mr. murphy, why is it that i said your name three times and you did not respond?" connor's face went hot and he looked down at his desk. the teacher turned back to the rest of the class.

"daydreaming is not tolerated in this classroom, if i haven't articulated that enough by now," the relieving sound of fifth period bell resonated through the classroom. "projects are due on the 23rd, have a good rest of the day!" she said as students scrambled to get out of the door.

met with the scent of mothballs, connor waltzed out of the cramped classroom out into the hallway. next period was lunch, which he would spend in the library.

putting his ap english textbook into locker 139, connor ran a cold hand through his hair and turned on his heel heading towards the school library.

the library, or the nook, as it was referred to by the teachers, was connor's ultimate safe spot. books were one of his favorite things. reading was quiet and serene, and he could absorb the words entirely and ponder their meanings.

after scanning the same shelf of books for the third time, the brunette selected a compilation of poems by Emily Dickinson.

connor plopped down on one of the recliners the librarian purchased specifically for the nook, and began to engulf himself in the book.

_It was not Death, for I stood up,_  
And all the Dead, lie down  
It was not Night, for all the Bells  
Put out their Tongues, for Noon.

_It was not Frost, for on my Flesh_  
I felt Siroccos crawl  
Nor Fire for just my Marble feet  
Could keep a Chancel, cool

_And yet, it tasted, like them all,  
The Figures I have seen—_

"jared, g-give it back!"

a familiar, obnoxious laughter rang throughout the entire room as a plump boy with square glasses ran into the library, which resulted in the librarian hushing him.

his face went red, a smirk lingering on his pale lips. in a second, another person stumbled in, seemingly out of breath; his cheeks were flushed pink from running. he looked up from the ground and over to the other, reaching out his arm and saying something connor couldn't hear.

this was the boy with stars in his eyes.

the sun in the window shone down on his dirty-blonde hair and sent streaks of light all over his face. he had pain and frustration written all over him.

"your phone isn't even that valuable, you can buy a new one!"

"how can you s-say that? h-how would you l-like it if i took y-yours and th-th-threatened to break it?"

connor could see out of the corner of his eye the librarian giving the two dirty looks, though it was entertaining to watch them argue over a cheap flip phone.

the kid with the glasses finally decided to hand the phone back, which made the blonde sigh with relief and hold it to his chest as if he had found his missing pet.

connor didn't realize how long he had been staring at him, but it was long enough for him to come over and stare back.

"o-oh, emily dickinson, s-she's.. one of my favorites.." the blonde was noticeably on edge, connor wouldn't be surprised if he was intimidated by his aura.

he nodded his head back. "uh-huh, yeah. me too." connor couldn't seem to break eye contact.

"what are you doing, you idiot?" glasses kid yelled from behind the blonde. "god bless me, is evan hansen being social? oh my god, finally!" he said sarcastically, and in fact very loudly.

all three of them were kicked out.

when the door shut behind them, connor looked back at the dirty-blonde, who was now evan hansen.

"wow, j-jared. good job."

jared tilted his head back and laughed, patting evan on the back. "thanks buddy," he pointed at connor. "you're the kid who does drugs, right?"

connor's fists clenched. he sighed.

"sure," he rolled his eyes. evan held his palm to his forehead, clearly embarrassed by his friend.

"i-i'm so sorry, jared you don't say things l-like that!" he scolded. "ag-gain i apologize, wh-what was your n-name?"

connor's eyes widened. "oh, i'm, connor murphy. i'm zoe's brother. you probably know her."

"s-sure, yeah." evan smiled, eyes crinkling.

connor smiled back. he was cute.

the bell rang above the three of them, which signaled the end of lunch period.

"well, well, i guess we'll see you around, connor." jared said as he patted evan's back. "bye druggie!"

evan put a hand over jared's mouth and waved goodbye.

maybe connor murphy will be ok.


	2. connor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now that he has evan, the stars are always with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my. goodness.
> 
> hello, lovelies.
> 
> i got really great feedback on chapter one, so i decided on a chapter two. i restled with changing to evan's pov but stuck with connor's, at least for now. hope you enjoy!!! <3

connor sauntered down the hall towards the double doors. the final bell had rang, signaling the shouting of classmates and the opening and closing of lockers.

as he passed locker 139, he felt two pairs of eyes on him. quickly, he decided to ignore it and keep walking.

he pushed pass the double doors, stepping into the outdoors. connor inhaled the scent of rain, which was fresh from a few hours before.

"connor!" zoe's voice came from behind him. when she caught up to him, he could see she was out of breath. "if you forgot, i have jazz band practice, which means you," she jabbed her finger at connor's chest. "need to stay."

oh, yes.

he sighed and followed his sister to the auditorium, as she was already halfway down the main hall. he shook his head. why couldn't they both have their own car?

when he entered the enormous conservatory, connor threw his bag on a seat and sat next to it, pulling out his phone and opened instagram.

 _evan hansen_ , he reluctantly typed. 

 _wait_ , he thought to himself. _he has a flip phone. no social media._

connor scrunched up his nose. this was going to be tough.

he felt his phone buzz, alerting him of an incoming text message.

unknown: _Hello_

he raised an eyebrow. 

myself: _well, hello there_

myself: _might i ask who this is?_

unknown: _Oh srry this is evan_

unknown: _sorry*_

his heart almost lept out of his chest. speak of the devil.

myself: _how did you get my number??_

that made him sound like he didn't want to talk to evan. he mentally cringed at himself.

evan: _Oh im sorry jared. gave me your #. he has like everyone's in the scjool._

evan: _School*_

evan: _Idk why._

connor rolled his eyes. of course.

myself: _i knew he was sketchy the moment i saw him_

evan: _He is. Vry much._

evan: _btw Im sorry about what he said to you that wasn't cool_

myself: _????_

evan: _Abt the drugs thing. ,,_

myself: _oh haha it's fine i get that all the time_

really, it's not fine, but this is the boy with stars in his eyes we're talking about.

evan: _oh ha ok just making sure bc Jared is a jerk and doesn't bother to apologize to ppl so I have to do it for him usually_

myself: _oh_

evan: _Yeah ._

connor felt cold sweat on the back of his neck. this conversation is going literally nowhere.

myself: _so are you doing anything friday night?_

after fifteen minutes, evan didn't respond. _too soon,_ connor scolded himself.

before he knew it, practice was over and he drove both of them home.

they were greeted by their mother, who held a sweet, calm composure on her face. "hi, you two," she smiled at the both of them.

"hey, mom," the two siblings said in unison. connor ran up the stairs and shut his door, ensuring enough privacy until his father got home, which would be in an hour or two.

he pulled his phone out of his back pocket, checking to see whether or not evan had texted him back. sure enough, the notification on his screen read _2 New Messages From evan._

once opened, he read the texts to himself.

evan: _No why?_

evan: _sorry jared felt like he needed to call me and tell me abt this new conspiracy theory he made up._

connor chuckled.

myself: _oh just wondering_

he braced himself for the words he was about to send.

myself: _maybe we could get a coffee or something idk_

evan: _Is connor murphy asking me out on a date?_

his pulse quickened when he read that. it did not mean to come out like that, despite his intentions. maybe evan hansen is a psychic. or maybe connor's just really bad at flirting.

myself: _i wouldn't call it a date, per se,,_

myself: _i like to think of it as more of a getting to know you type of ordeal._

evan: _Sounds a lot like a date to me_

he smiled.

myself: _call it whatever you want, we're going somewhere on friday. ill be take you home after so hitch a ride w someone friday morning._

evan: _Sounds like a plan._

evan: _:)_

after he read evan's last text, he locked his phone and looked up at the night sky. it was clear and perfect, like it had opened itself up just for him.

connor murphy sighed with contentment. now that he has evan, the stars are always with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this SUCKED IM SORRY IT WAS SO SHORT AND RUSHE D
> 
> but hey i'm probably going to be posting another chap later so maybe i can make up for it with that one.
> 
> again i'm sorry
> 
> bye


	3. evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one can only wonder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I COULDNT STOP MYSELF 
> 
> SO HERE YOU GO
> 
> A CHAPTER IN EVANS POV
> 
> JU ST TAKE IT

evan knew connor murphy as zoe murphy's brother, exactly how he introduced himself as. he knew that connor was feared by the entire senior class. he knew connor smokes pot. and he also knew that he threw a computer at a teacher in the second grade, or that's what rumor holds. what he didn't know is that connor murphy was actually sort of nice.

and what he least expected is for him to ask him out.

evan still isn't sure whether or not to call it a date, whether or not he wants to is a different story.

he and his mom had previously been living in Maine, until they decided they needed a fresh start and moved to where they are now. on the first day of junior year, connor murphy was the first person he noticed. his long, wavy brown hair that fell to his shoulders, how freakishly tall he was and his painted nails were all things that made evan wonder about the boy.

within the first three months of school, he knew he had developed a crush on connor murphy.

he started noticing the small details, like his incredible bone structure and his _eyes,_ he couldn't seem to stop himself from admiring him.

and once he told jared, there was no going back.

jared had trained him to make conversation for months; taught him every pick-up line there ever was (like he would use them) and coached him through texting connor (which most of the work had been done by him).

all of that had gotten him here, and now he has no idea what he's doing.

the clear blue sky was beautiful this friday morning, he realized, when he caught himself unintentionally staring at it. he shook himself away from his rambling thoughts and headed out the door and into jared's car, which had been sitting there for at least ten minutes.

"hey, dude," jared said as evan shut the passenger car door. he started the car. "i saw you staring out the window for like, five minutes. i was going to honk you out of it but was nice and didn't. you were thinking about connor, weren't you?"

"sure," evan mumbled. he was dreading tonight like never before.

"yeah you were," the spectacled brunette teased.

evan frowned. "w-well i'm just worried i'll disappoint h-h-him, or somethin..g.. i'm n-not that much of a 'doing stuff' kind of p-person," he felt his face getting warm with every word he said.

"hey, in case you're wondering, the reason he asked you to do this is because he _likes you._ i've seen how he looks at you when you aren't paying attention," he smirked contently, like he deserves a reward for getting the two together. "and plus, if he didn't like you, then why would he just have asked you and not me?"

the blonde thought back to connor saying how he thought jared was sketchy. "a lot of reasons," he looked down and smiled.

"whatever, asshole," the brunette retorted as they pulled into the school parking lot. evan grabbed his bookbag from the back seat and opened up the car door. "don't do anything i wouldn't do!" he yelled as he pulled away, driving to the other wing of the school. evan shook his head.

he pushed the double doors in to let him through. today was going to be a good day.

* * *

the day went by in a flash, and suddenly he was standing at connor's locker waiting for him to put his books away.

"seriously, how are you ready to go already? the bell literally just rang," connor said, flabbergasted at evan.

"time management, i-i guess," the blonde mumbled. "it's all about organization."

"yeah, uh-huh," connor uttered as he fumbled through his bag one last time before shutting his locker. he held onto the shoulder strap. "shall we go?"

"we shall indeed," evan smiled at connor's facial expression. he seemed as nervous as he was but was dying to keep it concealed.

together, they walked towards the doors. as they walked out, connor rushed ahead only to hold the door open for evan, which made the blonde smile. maybe he really does like him.

when they neared connor's car, which was an old pick-up truck that looked like it belonged in a bad country music video, evan jumped up into the passenger side and set his bag on the floor of the car. connor hopped in beside him and started the car, which immediately started to pump loud rock music through its speakers, causing evan to jump with surprise. 

"oh, shit sorry," the brunette turned the radio down. "that's from this morning."

"y-you listen to screamo at 6:30 in the morning?" evan laughed as he buckled his seat belt. 

connor smirked. "it gets me hype for the day,"

after evan had browsed through the few radio stations, he settled on a classical music station. the other cocked an eyebrow at him, but didn't detest.

"s-so... where are we going?"

"anywhere," connor said as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"a-anywhere?"

"anywhere."

"hmmm..." evan softly sighed. connor had mentioned getting coffee, but it was already three and the caffeine would keep him up the whole night. ice cream sounded like a better alternative.

he turned to look at connor. "are there any good i-ice cream shops around h-here?"

"oh, yes."

that was all he needed to know.

he drove them to a dinky ice cream parlor, which was out in the middle of nowhere. it looked cute; its sign read  _Á La Mode_ enscribed in cursive above the entrance and the entire exterior was decorated with swirls of pink and blue.

evan looked up at the taller boy who was standing next to him. "is this y-your weekend hangout?"

connor shrugged his shoulders. "actually, sometimes, yes." they walked inside together. 

the inside of the parlor had the same pink and blue theme, and had one entire wall covered with a chalkboard for the customers to draw on. it definitely did not seem like connor's speed.

they walked up to the counter and looked at the different flavors before ordering, evan having to whisper what he wanted to connor for him to say it to the cashier.

as they waited, evan noticed how relaxed and happy the taller seemed to be. maybe this is what real connor is like, instead of the intimidating, angry façade he puts on at school. one can only wonder. 

when they get their ice cream, they sit down at one of the tables by a window. the entire inside of the room looks particularly victorian, now that he takes a closer look at it.

"so, tell me about yourself,"

"what? huh?" evan is snapped out of his observing. "o-oh, well, there's not much to say,"

connor rolled his eyes. "of course there is, you're evan hansen," he gestured out to him. "what do you do in your free time?"

"stay home, i-i guess,"

"and.."

"and?"

"there's got to be more than that."

evan pondered. what else is there? "w-well, my mom is always working, she's a nurse, so i'm kind of by m-myself a lot,"

"what about your dad?"

"h-he left when i was s-seven. i dont.. really remember it."

"oh."

"yeah."

silence fell between the two. then evan remembered something.

"oh! i like trees."

connor gave the blonde a quizzical look. "what?"

"y-yeah! i worked at ellison national park over the summer. i actually broke my arm.. it was in a cast for a while but that was before we met. anyways, forests are kind of my thing, i mean..." he noticed the other looking at him with an odd look. "sorry."

"no, no, it's just," connor shifted in his seat. "your stutter went away for a second there. it was.. different," evan's face went red. "and i mean a really good kind of different! it was nice. i like your voice." evan laughed at his rambling. he's cute.

"s-so, anyway,"

"you like trees, you were saying."

"yes!"

"well, then i know where we're going next," connor stood up from his chair and motioned for evan to get up as well. "follow me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just realized i've been working on this since 12:30 and have literally taken one break
> 
> oh my god i have literally no self restraint
> 
> i feel like this one turned out a lot better than last chapter lol
> 
> hope you liked it
> 
> that's all you're getting for today, expect more tomorrow :P


End file.
